Bonjour, my readers!

First, I want to say thank you to those that have been reading the blog on a regular basis and being gracious with the love and support. This is only the beginning!

I have not slowed down one bit. I feel this album is going to be something very special. Upon conceiving the idea of getting some music out to the masses, at first  I just wanted to put out a mixtape. It seemed like the right idea because most of the rappers that have been blowing up and getting national attention (the ones that are good of course) have been putting out free tapes in order to get a buzz. Their mixtapes are good but the thing is they sound like “mixtapes.” Not that there is anything wrong with that but, as talented as these artists are, I wish they had tried to actually put albums, if they could and had the opportunity to. I seem to have that opportunity at hand with my brother, Sean, behind me as my producer and the tools finally within hands grasp. It is my belief that his sound and my sound meshed will get us the attention that we have been wanting for a very long time. The more and more I began to write and come up with different ideas, I decided to shift and record more of what felt like an album. I started to have like 3 versions of verses in the songs and each one got better. I was working on this song this past Saturday called, “La La Land” and I was like, this is insane, this song sounds nothing like what’s out right now and it feels strong. It’s really good. I get this feeling from a lot of what I have recorded so far. Especially what’s on my brothers beats. I have some mixtape tracks but none of them compare to what I have been recording on Sean’s beats.

I have this other song called “Entertainment” that I recorded about a month ago and was finally able to finish a decent mix of it. I just uploaded it to imeem and incorporated it into the playlist that will become a free mixtape available right before the album drops at the end of this year. I hope you all like it. Listen to what I’m saying in this song, a lot of different things are being explained. People who wonder about me will get some answers. I also touch on certain issues I have about the entertainment business, I think many will appreciate what is being said. Click here to listen to the track.

“…just, don’t become an asshole.” Words from the man who gave me my first job in the entertainment industry. John Lux. Good man. Smart man. I was an Intern/Post PA for him for about close to 5 months at i.d.e.a.s. at MGM Studios (now called Hollywood Studios) during my Senior year in college. Those words were to be his parting ones before I left Florida to move to LA, where I currently reside, to chase my dreams in this “entertainment business.” I say business because that’s what it is. I’ll get to that later.

Now, in that conversation, if I can remember correctly, I was telling John about my decision to move and the reasons behind it, mainly wanting to chase my dreams and be that person that I believe that I can be in my life. I would accomplish that through all the goals and milestones that I clear in my entertainment career – as an artist. Not as “talent” as many people in the industry label the individuals who make them money. It’s such a disrespectful title. It’s just used disrespectfully. Before I go off on another tangent, I’ll get to my point before I forget. His notion and I think everyone else’s about those who “make it” in the business and reach that level of success that very few attain because it is so hard to get there, have an attitude change along the way. Most, or all, would say those people become Assholes. I’m not even sure what to think of that…

I’ll speak for myself. I don’t want to become an asshole. It’s not in my nature so I don’t even dwell on it. But, recently I have realized my mentality and observations shifting to a degree where I can understand why people would say that about those who make it. It’s a hard road to walk and every step of the way people are sucking some sort of life from you. It can tax your attitude, your patience, and kindness. At a certain point you just can’t take it anymore. First before you start to grill me about that, I’m not saying that happens to everyone. Some people are just born assholes. Plain and simple. Through and through. I swear when you go at this alone and you get that step up higher, when no one wanted to help you. Or, when they don’t even take you seriously so, they just don’t fuck with you. At that point you have no choice but to go at it alone. Then those same people will come back and act as if you owe them something. “Huh? I’m sorry, but did you help me get here,” is what I’ll say. That’s when they can start to say, “you changed man,” or, “you’re such an asshole.” I’m sorry but if at any point in my life (God forbid) I become an Asshole or grow older with Asshole tendencies. I would say, “You all made me an Asshole. This wasn’t my doing.” It’s because I feel people have pushed me to that. I hope I never reach that point.

As for the business side of things and the assholes in it…well, I’ll leave that for another post.

Below is a video of one of my favorite Hollywood Assholes ever, Mr. Kanye West. If you watch the video, I don’t think that’s an Asshole talking. No, that’s frustration people. Sounds like someone pushed him to that.

I love art with all my heart.

I think it’s safe to say that I would die in the name of art. Probably take a bullet for a best friend if his/her name was art. Same goes for music, which is art, or, “one of the fine arts.” I always said that I would name my daughter Hip Hop, if my wife would let me. Wait, before you fix your lips to object, Hip Hip is art.

I have struggled so much to prove myself to others as an artist and a talented individual but, I often utilize a lot energy fighting for what I feel is good art. What is good art? My simple definition is: any body of work in which it’s craftsmanship strikes one deep into their soul and can draw emotion. There are some amazing artists out there and I have promised myself that I will not stop until I find a place among those artists, labeled artistic geniuses. This means an ongoing teaching process of the different crafts that I practice. It has always been a self-teaching experience as well. I have had teachers, but my time with them has been limited so I have constantly left to fend for self. It’s totally fine with me because I have learned some invaluable things along the way. I have learned through, doing, observation, conversation, and my ability to constantly be inspired by others or myself. I cannot wait until the day that I am free to roam as an artist and not have to worry about anything else but putting out work that will satisfy my hunger (which is gluttonous I must say) and touch the lives of others who look forward to my work in order to carry them through their lives. Man…I am glad they [peers] treated me the way they did. They just cultivated [the chastising] a remarkable person. I know I am destined for greatness. Watch me like you watch Hulu.

Some words for future ideas, courtesy of Kyle Smith who forwarded this to me:

What’s up world. It’s me again. It seems that I shocked a lot of people last night. Some would say I became someone else. I say no, I don’t think that’s possible. It was me. The same Troy people run into everyday. Everyone just saw a side of me that is comepletely separate from what they normally see, which is generally myself in a work environment. Being that this was sort of a company event, most of the people there were my co-workers…I’m almost sure they look at me differently now.

This was my first performance ever. That in itself amazed people. Even though my set was short I was ecstatic to walk off stage and hear people say that they wanted more. I couldn’t have asked for a better feeling. I am always appreciative of the love and support that I get. I just wish my family and friends back home could have been there to see me. Being that I knew they wouldn’t be able to, I got my good friend Kyle to record it for me on my camera. Check me out.

With so many talents and so many demons to battle, I’m able to spread my heart and soul across a few art forms. When it comes to feeding myself and keeping a roof over my head, it becomes a different story. It no longer becomes about just art. It turns itself into how can I stay living doing this. I’ll be honest with you. I know for a fact there are more broke rappers than rich ones. There are hundreds of struggling fine artists. I want to be great like them but I don’t want to be struggling like them. Let alone all over the place and lacking clear direction. Many creative people suffer from that problem. For years, I have had an extremely hard time finding out what I want to focus on. I thought I did, but the music is integral to my survival. Literally… cannot do with out it.

Someone told me today, a fellow artist, that I need to find one thing to focus on and then it will make everything else so much easier. Easier said than done. Once I do that, and I get to that heightened point where I can incorporate everything else that I have been doing into that then I can be unstoppable. Well that last part isn’t entirely what he said but, that’s what I drew from it. I’m thinking that it may have to be the music. That’s my calling. From there I can venture back into film. That is what’s making the most sense to me. I can direct my own music videos, I can keep writing scripts and prove to people that I have what it takes to make great cinema by using my celebrity as a recording artist and the opportunities that I will be given.

Man…I hope this all works out. I just want it so bad. I have worked hard for it. I’ve been through hell. I deserve everything that I dream of.

Inspiration for my album cover…

I am really trying to show everyone that I am serious. I know that I have the talent, the potential, something’s there in me…in my heart. I feel it. Just as Phil Collins felt it in the air.

It’s lurking waiting to be unleashed at the right moment. But, it’s aparant and clear as the lenses in my glasses when I see through them that I am meant to something beyond what I can actually understand at this point in my life. Or what anyone else can understand for that matter. The important thing is that I believe in me. You don’t have to now, but you will. One day, you will.

I don’t come across many people that have the potential to be really good at so many things. Especially in the arts. I write music, I rap/sing, I draw, I write film scripts, I’m a video editor, I am somewhat of a photographer, and I am an aspiring filmmaker. I do want to be a director in the future…but the music is my first love. I have to conquer that first. The point that I  try to make all the time is that, I am good at this stuff. It’s quality art and it’s heartfelt. Everything I do is me painting my heart and the way I see the world onto the canvas of my choice in order to share with the world. It heals my pain. And like what art represents to so many other people… that, “get them through their day” art. I do it for that reason and so that it heals thier pain.

This page is just another addition in my catalog proving that I can do and be everything that I say that I want to be. Click the Photography link above and open the door to another chamber in my world.

Live to be famous, or become infamous and be remembered forever? I’m joining forces with the latter.

A young lady once told me, after working with me for 3 short months on a project, that I would one day be infamous. I’m assuming this notion was all based on my work performance and the way that I presented myself.  I never understood that prophecy or knew what it would mean for me until we politicked recently and she explained to me what that really means. I always said that I wanted to be an influential figure in my life. Influential for all the right reasons. Set standards and examples for so the young men coming up behind me will have someone to aspire to be like. It’s hard to be a role model or someone in the spotlight and live a life that detaches you from negativity, evils, or something that taints your image. Some try, I would hope, many could care less, and few ever live up to that. It’s sad. There are really no good role models left out there. Especially for black men, and blacks in general. We are forced to find our role models in entertainment. Everyone has some dirt on their feet from their walks in life. We are human,  inherintley imperfect and I love it. Why do I need to walk around trying to be Christ like? I don’t even think Christ was perfect. He’s a human isn’t he? Humans have flaws, no? Hm…

All of the people that I look up to and strive to be like have come from environments that can make you cringe. They have done terrible things that where the result of circumstance. I can relate to them. I know that same environment. Maybe not through and through but I have seen what they have become.  They are some of the most amazingly talented, intelligent, and inspiring people that I have witnessed.

As I try to telescope out my window into my future I am trying to see if I can truly be that role model for the kid(s) who are in my position now. Unfortunately I can’t see that far yet, of who I will become, it’s too blurry. I know who I want to  be… so, for the moment I just try to keep reminding myself.

Where do I want to go?

The top.

Who do I want to be?

A Legend.

Why do I want what seems so out of reach for just the average joe?

Because I have slaved, fought, bled, cried, and slaved some more. In the conception of those I have created art to free myself of the pain and harsh memories, and you know what? I damn sure feel like I deserve to be great. I think about the future, because I’m fascinated by it. It’s my love affair. I want to be the future of strong black men who don’t lead our people astray.

I am the future. Simply, because I am still living. Much to attest for a black man.